Dressage Humor

Top Ten Reasons Why Dressage Arenas Are Lettered The Way They Are

#10: The letters commemorate the sites of legendary falls by 18th-century dressage masters: Karl somebody-or-other's stallion launched him into orbit from the end of one of the long sides, Conrad bought it in the middle of the far end, Xavier's horse got the urge to lie down and roll right in the center of the arena, etcetera.

#9: The letters *are* consecutive and in alphabetical order, in a now-extinct language spoken only by early-18th-century Hanoverian carriage horses.

#8: Hey, after riding five hundred 20m circles in rapid succession, who can remember the alphabet?

#7:The very first dressage ring was designed by the lowest-bid contractor.

#6:The letters were originally laid out by beleaguered riding pupils to facilitate pranks on their instructors, in which the pupils would pretend to be schooling various movements and figures while actually spelling out slanderous curses, in German, against their cruel and heartless instructors, their diabolical horses, and whatever silly bastard invented this dressage thing in the first place.

#5: The letters are actually advertising billboards paid for by Sesame Street ("This piaffe-passage transition was brought to you by the letter G!").

#4: What, you mean they're NOT in alphabetical order? Hey, that would explain why nobody else seems to understand how I've organized the office files...

#3: The other letters in the alphabet are *there*, all right, they're just invisible - what do you think your horse has been spooking at all these years?

#2 Well, the letters are *supposed* to be in alphabetical order, but somebody's Trakehner keeps getting out at night and rearranging them. And now...(drum roll please)... the #1 Reason Why Dressage Arenas Are Marked That Way ...

#1: So they can double as landing strips for the invasion force from Planet Lippinzinger. (The Lipp spaceship is round and white, and can go from Speed of Light to full halt in just 120 meters. Though sometimes it finishes with its haunches a little out to the left).